The Very First Day

I have had a lot of firsts in my life...of course. Who hasn't?

I knew I loved you from the first day we talked, is that crazy? Some might say so, but my heart knew you were so perfect. We first spoke after a long wait because I was sick, and to this did not matter, you cared that I was feeling better and didn't want to cause me more pain. Our first conversation allowed us to open up to one another and I felt like it was all a dream. Actually that whole first week seemed so impossible. I remember waking up in the mornings and checking my phone and re-reading text messages to make sure everything was real. I remember surprising you for your birthday, getting home a day earlier than planned because of a snow day at school. I thought you had stood me up, because you never text me back until later that night..you seemed very glad that I was home early and the thought of being stood up very quickly went out the window...you were simply asleep. When we met in the parking lot, I had butterflies in my stomach, my heart was racing, and all I could do was smile. I remember the way you looked at me that night. The same way you look at me today. It was late, so we just drove around. Which was nice. I remember having my hand resting on the console of your truck as we drove into town and you reaching over with that amazing smile on your face and grabbing my hand. The rest of the night included Wall-E, a visit to my brother, and losing track of time only to realize it was 6 AM and I had to get home. You are perfect and I'm glad you took a chance on me. I have had some of the most amazing and memorable times of my life in the past year and a half...and I look forward to many more in the future.

Just thinking...and wanting to document things that I never ever want to forget!

J

I feel like I'm losing it all...

There seems to be one constant in my life right now. He is amazing and great.

Everything else. I just feel like I'm losing it...I feel like I'm losing myself and I don't like it. It feels like I have been an emotional wreck for the past few weeks and I hate that...I'm the strong one, the one who doesn't get upset over dumb stuff...well its starting to test me and I don't like it. Aside from him, I feel like I have essentially two best friends. Which is fine...but I used to have so many people in my life, it was hard managing time, to ensure time with everyone.

I feel like school is a waste of time currently, I am suffering from severe senioritis...but at the same time I'm wondering if I will actually finish. I feel like my intellect is slipping awat, my edginess, my smarts. I am trying to stay committed to the last few things I am hanging on to. It just all feels like its slipping away from me so fast...and I don't know what to do to get it back.

For once in my life. I feel scared, because I don't know whats going to happen next.

hmmm... a lot to think about, and to try and grasp hold of.

J

Smile - Uncle Kracker

You're betther then the best
I'm lucky just to linger in your light
Cooler than the flip side
of my pillow, that's right

Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where
You send me, lets me know that it's okay
Yeah, it's okay
And the moments where my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed
Sing like a bird, dizzy in my head
Spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile

Even when you're gone
Somehow you come along just like
A flower poking through the sidewalk crack
And just like that
You steal away the rain, and just like that

You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed
Sing like a bird, dizzy in my head
Spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile

Don't know how I lived without you
'Cause every time that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile

You make me dance like a fool, forget how to rbeathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild

You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed
Sing like a bird, dizzy in my head
Spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh you make me smile
Oh you make me smile
Oh, you make me smile.


I love this song. It's so my life right now.
Maybe New Years-ness will come soon. Until then...

-J