It's a simple kinda thing...

I have recently realized how much I love and appreciate my friends. I know I don't say that enough, I also know many of them will never see this blog.

Even the friends that are far away, mean the world to me.

Friends come and go, but no matter how you cut it your best friends are here to stay.

I have aquired a new best friend close to a year ago. He has become my everything and so much more. I am so in love with my best friend, and to me that is amazing, and more than I ever dreamed of.

Any-who. I love each and everyone of you guys...especially you. :)

J

It's a rainy kinda day....

I am so excited! My life is heading in an amazing way.

I am loved, and cherished, and cared for by an amazing man. He truely is my everything. Looking back at how much my life has changed in the past year is amazing. I have given in to the fact that I do not ultimately control it, and let things happen and do not hang on to yesterday.

One of my biggest challenges is trying to not feel like i have to make everything perfect. Slowly, I am coming to this realization, and just letting things go....its hard.

I am beginning to officiate plans for the next few steps in my life. These steps are scary to me. I am sure of them, and know what I must do, yet they are scary. I am ready to move and begin my adventure. Yet, at the same time going into the unfamiliar is rough. We shall see. Atleast I will have someone by my side this time. That will make it a little less scary, I sure do hope.

I am so ready!

J

Today is definantly a camo-duct tape kinda day...

When you know you should be happy for someone for something, but you just can't be.

That is the situation I am in right now. I don't know how to express myself today....and this is eating at me, and I know it shouldn't. But it does.

I just want to run and hide. Hide amoungst the crowd and pretend everything is fine, paste on my smile. Noone will know something is wrong. It's me, I have no reason to be upset...or do I.

I sometimes justify things to be different then they truely are. Who doesn't at some point in their life. I am trying to stay rational with this situation, I just find it hard.

I want to be happy. I was happy, I am still happy and ecstatic about my own situation. Somehow, I feel like few people will celebrate my happiness in the same respect I am. I feel over shadowed...just like the old days. Forgotten almost.

Oh well...tomorrow is a brand new day.
:) It will be all good! One more day down!

J

It's been a while....

Hello blog world!

It has been a while since I've been here. I feel like I have come a long way since I first began this whole blog. I feel like I have grown up and am ready to face the world that goes on outside my little realm of reality. It seems like no matter where I have been in the past four years, I have been protected by this little bubble, that is careful as to what reality actually is let in.

I have fallen head over heels for an amazing man. Maybe he has helped me grow up. Maybe he walked into my life at the exact right moment to facilitate and hold my hand through this large realization. He is by far one of the best things that has happened in my life, and I thank God not near enough for bringing him into my life, and answering years of prayers with one amazing person. Everything I have ever dreamed of in the person for my life has been found in this one person. Anywho-enough of that.

I am a fourth of the way done with my senior year of college. I'm so ready for the other 3/4s to HURRY UP! I feel like my time here is done, and yes I am learning new things everyday this whole concept of school seems like its over-done. I'm ready to be working. (I do realize that in 10 years, I will look back and say "I wish I could be back in school")

I love my family, but I am ready to move. I'm ready to experience what else is out there. My potential and my dreams.

I guess that is a lot to digest at once. Maybe I woln't be such a stranger in blog-land.

J

It's that time of year again....

Confused students hold that heavy load peering into their car that once seemed so large. Questions abound like "How did I fit this in 9 months ago?" and other questions like "Where did all of this stuff come from?"

The treck from the room to the car resembles the owl trying to figure out how many licks it takes to get to the center. How many trips from the room will it take? These students have learned a lot, they have grown up. The feel more mature, more cultured, and more learned. If these testaments are true, one might not ever know.

There time here was full of memories. If only these walls could talk. Full of late nights, study parties, mischieve, and all kinds of stuff. Being a student is so much more when you actually live on campus. The experiences you share are like none other.

Dad now tries his hand at fitting that last tub into the car, with his tongue sticking out and a squinched up eye he manages to squeeze it in.
The trash is all out, the room is clean, and summer is officially starting.

The parking lot is empty, the halls bare. The building is resting. She needs it, she has had a crazy year and is looking forward to many more.

My life is so full of adventure and craziness... :)

J

Summerness...

So, I've been thinking a lot about summer here lately. Technically its as close as two days away. Come 12:15 Monday, officially.

I remember as a little kid summer revolved around the swimming pool & reading week at the library. I remember the spring that we got our swimming pool and several years later when the deck got built.

I remember early mornings with the grandparents and running around the neighborhood, every Wednesday riding my bike to the Supermarket for a free local newspaper. Days of playing and having few cares, unless you count sitting by my grandparent's phone everyday at noon, waiting just in case they called us from dialing for dollars :).

As I grew up, I remember going to summer day camp. Waiting ALL summer long doing "chores" at my house to earn money for the most AMAZING Super Soaker watergun my precious money could buy, just to take it at the end of summer water game day. Such was the life of a meer little kid. On a side note of camp, I remember when my brother hit the kid with the hockey puck and gave him stitches in his eye....it was a PURE accident.

As the years went on I began to get more serious with my pig showing and started traveling with my pigs to several shows throughout the summer. I also started working more with my mom and helping out at her work.

Once junior high hit, summer band practice and baskeball workouts took up more and more of my time. The joys of playing the tuba. All of this along with showing as well as being involved with an organization that had a lot goin' on during the summer. Everything from conferences to competitions.

The past few years my life has been filled with non-stop on the go summerness. I love being on the go. Summer is amazing because I can take time when I need it, ya know. Once again, I'm working at an internship that is amazingly wonderful. Its stressful at times, but it will be great. I do have to admit I'm ready to have a summer off though. Next year, maybe.

J

My little trip away...

I am rested and relaxed, and no longer have this feeling of burn-out. I am prepared to tackle the next 6 weeks with full steam ahead. I realized how much I miss and love the beach. It amazes me how lovely and mesmorizing and calming the ocean truely is. Other than the fact that I'm a fair skinned girl and sun is not a good thing :). Oh well. The keys were pretty cool, although I think the drive down was the best part. South beach pretty much rocked, loved the architecture and being able to take in the culture as well as the beach! Overall the experience was an amazing one that was truely a rockin' vacation.

J

It's somthing I deserve...

This has been a crazy week for many reasons, and of course the typical schooling person is so ready for and puts on the Spring Break goggles the week before so getting much of anything done is a daunting task. Oh, well tis all over now.

I don't typically do things for myself. It is a true rariety. This once, I did this for me. I took a vacation. In total it will be a full week of pure bliss and happiness. I chose to drive a total of 17 hours one way just to get away. I love to roadtrip, and love the open roads and driving, it is liberating and freeing. Warm, sunny, and full of amazingness. It will be a vacation, one of many of the course of my life, but this one will most definantly never be forgotten. Well enough of that for now.

It's obviously Spring Break, so I am hoping everyone out there is being safe and responsible.

J

Back in Action

...I haven't forgotten about you dear blog.

My life has been taken in the past year and turned upside down, shaken, stired, put through a blender, and been duct taped back together again. I can see that I have changed, it kind of scares me what the world sees. But frankly my dear, I don't care.

I have had highs and lows and crazy turns along the way in my journey of life. Unexpected doors opening, opportunities arising, and risks to take. I feel as though I am becoming more carefree as well as enjoying my life for what it is each day opposed to over thinking and over doing life. I find comfort taking time and CHILLING. It is such a new concept for me, its almost surreal. I have discovered who my real friends are over the past year to six months. I have lost a love, or realized maybe it wasn't really love. In the same respect I have realized there are more people out there who care about me and my success than I even began to believe. I also have a true love.

There are days I believe I am living a dream or that my life has become a fairy tale; some days I dread the strike of midnight for the fear that my life might become what it was. I know this is not true, that I am truely living my life and that this is reality. I look forward to what tomorrow brings, but don't wish the day away.

I am ready for the next chapter of my life to begin, as scary as that is to think about. This school thing, its just beginning to drag. I don't know maybe I have other stuff going on making my life more dynamic which makes it seem that way.

I presume this is enough to possibly catch up on the last little bit. So my current motto for life;
"We could all take a lesson from crayons: some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, all are different colors; but they all have to learn to live in the same box." just thought I would share.

Live, Love, and Laugh!

J

My life has been so amazing the past four weeks. A change has occured, one that was unanticipated but graciously welcomed.

I have realized that I complicant things. Either I'm too good, or not good enought, or "just right the way I am" to avoid these things. It's not the first time its happened, and I don't how or why it happens, it just does. I just pray that this woln't end the way others have in the past.

Just a refresher and a venting session.

J

Me oh My

It's been a while, this I know.
It's a new year and there has been a lot that has happened over the past few months.
I voted in my first National Election, a new president is in office.
I have learned a lot, about people, myself, life, and my ability to "conform."
I am loving my life and my goal for this new year is to not take my life to seriously.
I have taken a few risks and gone out on a limb.
My life seems to be so crazy busy and hectic, but thats how I like to function.
On the edge, juggling things, pleasing people, and being as happy as humanly possible.

Well, I will update again soon. I promise.

J.