The piller doesn't quite reach...

The 'ol baldy said bye last night. I have decided that I don't like "goodbyes" because that means its over. I will be seeing 'ol baldy whenever I go home, so its DEFINATLY not over for me. haha. He did shed some light on something that was rather interesting about this dome that was built....and the "board" incharge of making sure the structure was safe thought the dome would not last, and might fall in and hurt people, so the asked him to put up pillars to help reinforce the dome. Well several years later....they decided to construct a scaffolding to clean this dome and once the men reached the top...they weren't expecting what they saw. From the floor the pillars looked amazing, and looked as though they were doing the job they were placed there to do, but at EYE level the were about 2 foot short. There to please the people in charge, but not helping support the masterpiece itself.

This reminds me that often we find ourselves doing things simply to please those around us and to not actually doing things for ourselves or doing things that don't even affect us.

Ol baldy also helped me realize how important people are in my life. One thing I don't say often enough to those in my life is Thank You. With a simple list of 27 things, we ALL can achieve so much more. I know 'ol baldy's list. What is your list?

Maybe I will construct a list, who knows.

J

FUN!

It's been a while....for lots of things!
Writing on here has been one of those things I have not being doing lately....another one of those things I have been missing out on here lately is fun! I mean I have fun moments in my life...but days on end of fun. That is the way my past few days have been...full of FUN! I have gotten to hang out with friends that I have been missing, watch a favorite child hood cartoon, and play a favorite board/card game! It has been SO much fun!

I am going to have an AMAZING summer! Full of an amazing organzation, my best friends, and work, and not to mention fun!
I am closing in on the HALF WAY mark of my schooling career....the first part of the half anyways...
Other amazing things are starting to rock and roll in my life...its CRAZY and awesome all at the same time!

J

Sometimes....

I have been thinking a lot here lately.
Comparing my life to various things:
- A constructin barrel
- Camo Duct tape
-Duct tape
- Cup of Sweet Tea
- The word potentially
etc....

Today, I am throwing in a new one. One that is slightly awkward for me to use as a metaphor. Yet I still will continue. Today, I am comparing my life to that of a Rose bush. Now, if you have known me for more than like a day you probably know that I HATE roses! With a passion. The concept behind a rose bush though is phenominal. The fact that a thing of such beauty comes from an object that is harsh with thorns and is very residual. Yet the flower of beauty and grace is so delicate and genuine. Lately I feel as though at times I am the flower, my life full of beauty and love. Other times I am upset, angry, mad, or just plain in not a 100 % happy mood; these times I am the bush, full of thorns, set in my ways overtaking obstacles with a force to recone with. Often times, I am the reason for these feelings. Many times its boils down to being, just me. Today I feel like the bush. My goal is to once and ALWAYS be the rose. Yet, like I said before...I dislike ROSES...

J

Shiny Things

I like glitter and glam.
Things you wouldn't expect from me
Through the smile, you mostly see
There is a person
A person complete with emotions and fear
One that loves shiny things.
Instead of doubting
Give me a chance
Instead of turning
Give me a glance
I believe in being me
That I like these shiny things.

J

a Rat race with no end

It seems like the past few months have been trialing. I have had some of the best moments come out of those months and also some of the worst. Right now though, I feel like I have failed, I have done something wrong. I just don't know the answer to that question. I feel like there is a missing link to the chain...or a puzzle piece that has been micheviously taken out of the box. My life has currently become a day to day living of the unknown. I don't know whats going to happen next. I don't know what emotions will be had. All I know is that when it seems to be getting better I better fasten my seat belt a little tighter and hold on 'cuz there is going to be a head whirling, stomach loosing, twist, turn or oopsie "o" on its way.

J

Last time I checked....

A circle is round...and continuous. No matter how many points lay in the circumfrence of the cirle.

I am just saying.

J

Impartial parts of my Life....

I have submerged myself in music here lately. Letting my mind wander into the unknown sorting through the rampage in my mind through lyrics and issues of others in the world.

Cry on my Shouler
By: Overflow

You say you're falling apart.
Reached the end of the line.
Just looking for your place in an ordinary life.
No one calls you friend.
No one even knows your name.
You just want to feel loved instead of all the pain.

You no longer have to say.
No one's listening anyway.

Come here and cry on my shoulder.
I'll hold you 'till it's over.
I'll rescue you tonight.
Let my arms be your shelter,
Your hiding place forever.
I'll love you more than life

You're wearing a frown.
Given up on hope.
My heart is reaching out.
More than you will ever know.
Is your burden too much?
Is it more than you can bear?
I'll help carry the load if you're willing to share.

You no longer have to say.
No one's listening anyway.

Come here and cry on my shoulder.
I'll hold you 'till its over.
I'll rescue you tonight.
Let my arms be your shelter,
You're hiding place forever.
I'll love you more than life

You have had some hard times.
Had thorns placed in your side.
I know about what you've been going though.
Tears of pain are falling down.
It hurts so bad you're crying out.
Your problems won't last forever.
Let Me put you back together



Free and Easy
By: Dierks Bentley
Pair of boots and a sack of clothes
Free and easy down the road I go
Hangin' memories on the high line poles
Free and easy down the road I go
Free and easy down the road I go
Ragweed's rockin' on the radio
Free and easy down the road I go
So I keep rollin' like an old banjo
Free and easy down the road I go
Got the sun shinin' on me like a big spotlight
So I know everything is gonna be alright
Ain't no tellin' where the wind might blow
Free and easy down the road I go
Livin' life like a Sunday stroll
Free and easy down the road I go
Free and easy down the road I go
If you only get to go around one time
I'm gonna sit back and try to enjoy the ride
I could make a million or wind up broke
Free and easy down the road I go
Can't take it with you when you go so
Free and easy down the road I go
Someday I know it's gonna take me home so
Free and easy down the road I go
Free and easy down the road I go


There are some others. I will share later.

J

A Smile or a frown..

I smile
I laugh
I giggle....
To you its all okay
It's just typical me
Does it ever cross your mind that its not all okay
The words that you say
sometimes they help
Often times though,
its not what you say
that affects me the most
I love you dearly
I care for you
More than one could EVER imagine
Yet, I nearly left
Today, I don't know if I can forgive
Although I know I will
I have given you my trust
I have given you a piece of me
A sort of offering
All I ask is that before I run
You notice
.....
Maybe its just me
Its all in my mind
I am doing wrong
Thinking these things
My mind so jumbled
This is the only logical piece
I am in the wrong
Like so often in the past
Using a fasod of emotions
To hide my pain
What pain?
Might you ask
A pain that I will never tell
Maybe its not pain at all
Maybe its a feeling
an emotion
a giggle
a laugh
a smile, or maybe a frown.

J

It's a Sweet Tea kinda' day...

My life has be the epotime of a rollercoaster the past few weeks. Actually over the past few months. The ups and downs and crazy turns along the way. It has been AMAZINGLY awesome and the biggest drag of all times. It has been the craziest time growing up, falling down, turning around, stopping dead in my tracks. I love my friends, my school, my job (for a majority of the time), my family, everything. I say that I love to take risks, yet looking back the risks I have taken have been small and meaningful.

I am scared, this most of you know. Yet, I am scared and prepared to take a risk. I am suffeciantly ready to jump off the deep end into the unknown. Will there be rocks below, alligators, sharks maybe?, or will it be fresh clean water as deep as anyone will know. Am I preparing for this jump, a great jump that when i jump, I fall a few feet and land safely on my feet.

Emotions will not get the best of me, this I am sure. I have made up my mind. They can only be there for the 6 seconds they are alotted. I am living MY life....for me. No-one can take certain things away from me, no matter how hard they try.

J

Behind the times....

I know I know,
I left you in suspence.
I will catch you up on the Easter weekend happenings in a day or two.

I am a blog let downer.

Right now I really just want to crash. Fall asleep and take a nap, a long nap. One that I will not awake for anyone. Until the little beep-beep occurs around 8 o'clock in the morning. Okay, yes this surpasses the "nap" label, but its what I need. I have been on the go non-stop taking care of business and un-surmountable stress for close to a week and a half now. I want it to stop. Soon, oh so soon, it will.

I have realized in the past about 30 minutes how much I miss the smell of books. Being in librarys filled with old PAPER books, novel concept I know. With technology around us each and every day its to easy to simply "Google it!" or "wikipedia" that. I LOVE books, and I love to read. A passion that has gone over looked for quite some time now. I have recently gone back to this love. It has helped through those stressful and crazy times I have been endureing for several weeks. The sweet sweet smell of hardback books, worn pages, and the sound of characters, thoughts, and ideas all swirling around. Gah, I love this place.

J