I feel like I'm losing it all...

There seems to be one constant in my life right now. He is amazing and great.

Everything else. I just feel like I'm losing it...I feel like I'm losing myself and I don't like it. It feels like I have been an emotional wreck for the past few weeks and I hate that...I'm the strong one, the one who doesn't get upset over dumb stuff...well its starting to test me and I don't like it. Aside from him, I feel like I have essentially two best friends. Which is fine...but I used to have so many people in my life, it was hard managing time, to ensure time with everyone.

I feel like school is a waste of time currently, I am suffering from severe senioritis...but at the same time I'm wondering if I will actually finish. I feel like my intellect is slipping awat, my edginess, my smarts. I am trying to stay committed to the last few things I am hanging on to. It just all feels like its slipping away from me so fast...and I don't know what to do to get it back.

For once in my life. I feel scared, because I don't know whats going to happen next.

hmmm... a lot to think about, and to try and grasp hold of.

J

Smile - Uncle Kracker

You're betther then the best
I'm lucky just to linger in your light
Cooler than the flip side
of my pillow, that's right

Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where
You send me, lets me know that it's okay
Yeah, it's okay
And the moments where my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed
Sing like a bird, dizzy in my head
Spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile

Even when you're gone
Somehow you come along just like
A flower poking through the sidewalk crack
And just like that
You steal away the rain, and just like that

You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed
Sing like a bird, dizzy in my head
Spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile

Don't know how I lived without you
'Cause every time that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile

You make me dance like a fool, forget how to rbeathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild

You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed
Sing like a bird, dizzy in my head
Spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh you make me smile
Oh you make me smile
Oh, you make me smile.


I love this song. It's so my life right now.
Maybe New Years-ness will come soon. Until then...

-J

It's a simple kinda thing...

I have recently realized how much I love and appreciate my friends. I know I don't say that enough, I also know many of them will never see this blog.

Even the friends that are far away, mean the world to me.

Friends come and go, but no matter how you cut it your best friends are here to stay.

I have aquired a new best friend close to a year ago. He has become my everything and so much more. I am so in love with my best friend, and to me that is amazing, and more than I ever dreamed of.

Any-who. I love each and everyone of you guys...especially you. :)

J

It's a rainy kinda day....

I am so excited! My life is heading in an amazing way.

I am loved, and cherished, and cared for by an amazing man. He truely is my everything. Looking back at how much my life has changed in the past year is amazing. I have given in to the fact that I do not ultimately control it, and let things happen and do not hang on to yesterday.

One of my biggest challenges is trying to not feel like i have to make everything perfect. Slowly, I am coming to this realization, and just letting things go....its hard.

I am beginning to officiate plans for the next few steps in my life. These steps are scary to me. I am sure of them, and know what I must do, yet they are scary. I am ready to move and begin my adventure. Yet, at the same time going into the unfamiliar is rough. We shall see. Atleast I will have someone by my side this time. That will make it a little less scary, I sure do hope.

I am so ready!

J

Today is definantly a camo-duct tape kinda day...

When you know you should be happy for someone for something, but you just can't be.

That is the situation I am in right now. I don't know how to express myself today....and this is eating at me, and I know it shouldn't. But it does.

I just want to run and hide. Hide amoungst the crowd and pretend everything is fine, paste on my smile. Noone will know something is wrong. It's me, I have no reason to be upset...or do I.

I sometimes justify things to be different then they truely are. Who doesn't at some point in their life. I am trying to stay rational with this situation, I just find it hard.

I want to be happy. I was happy, I am still happy and ecstatic about my own situation. Somehow, I feel like few people will celebrate my happiness in the same respect I am. I feel over shadowed...just like the old days. Forgotten almost.

Oh well...tomorrow is a brand new day.
:) It will be all good! One more day down!

J

It's been a while....

Hello blog world!

It has been a while since I've been here. I feel like I have come a long way since I first began this whole blog. I feel like I have grown up and am ready to face the world that goes on outside my little realm of reality. It seems like no matter where I have been in the past four years, I have been protected by this little bubble, that is careful as to what reality actually is let in.

I have fallen head over heels for an amazing man. Maybe he has helped me grow up. Maybe he walked into my life at the exact right moment to facilitate and hold my hand through this large realization. He is by far one of the best things that has happened in my life, and I thank God not near enough for bringing him into my life, and answering years of prayers with one amazing person. Everything I have ever dreamed of in the person for my life has been found in this one person. Anywho-enough of that.

I am a fourth of the way done with my senior year of college. I'm so ready for the other 3/4s to HURRY UP! I feel like my time here is done, and yes I am learning new things everyday this whole concept of school seems like its over-done. I'm ready to be working. (I do realize that in 10 years, I will look back and say "I wish I could be back in school")

I love my family, but I am ready to move. I'm ready to experience what else is out there. My potential and my dreams.

I guess that is a lot to digest at once. Maybe I woln't be such a stranger in blog-land.

J

It's that time of year again....

Confused students hold that heavy load peering into their car that once seemed so large. Questions abound like "How did I fit this in 9 months ago?" and other questions like "Where did all of this stuff come from?"

The treck from the room to the car resembles the owl trying to figure out how many licks it takes to get to the center. How many trips from the room will it take? These students have learned a lot, they have grown up. The feel more mature, more cultured, and more learned. If these testaments are true, one might not ever know.

There time here was full of memories. If only these walls could talk. Full of late nights, study parties, mischieve, and all kinds of stuff. Being a student is so much more when you actually live on campus. The experiences you share are like none other.

Dad now tries his hand at fitting that last tub into the car, with his tongue sticking out and a squinched up eye he manages to squeeze it in.
The trash is all out, the room is clean, and summer is officially starting.

The parking lot is empty, the halls bare. The building is resting. She needs it, she has had a crazy year and is looking forward to many more.

My life is so full of adventure and craziness... :)

J