Practicle and Useful

All the adventures in the world...

2011-03-27T16:56:00.001-07:00

I'm taking chances and living life in a way I never thought I could. I believe in risk and taking chances and I am being able to do exactly that. I am with the love of my life and my best friend and cannot believe every moment I am getting to enjoy. We are enjoying our time together and taking advantage of where life is taking us. We have been able to hunt for fossils that are 2o million years old. Spend several days in our nations capital. See one of the 5 great lakes, see several sites from the war of 1812, partake in some amazing history. Our life is just beginning but what other way is a great start than to experience so much together. Many more adventures to come, who knows whats next?!?! J

The Very First Day

2010-04-27T08:04:00.000-07:00

I have had a lot of firsts in my life...of course. Who hasn't?

I knew I loved you from the first day we talked, is that crazy? Some might say so, but my heart knew you were so perfect. We first spoke after a long wait because I was sick, and to this did not matter, you cared that I was feeling better and didn't want to cause me more pain. Our first conversation allowed us to open up to one another and I felt like it was all a dream. Actually that whole first week seemed so impossible. I remember waking up in the mornings and checking my phone and re-reading text messages to make sure everything was real. I remember surprising you for your birthday, getting home a day earlier than planned because of a snow day at school. I thought you had stood me up, because you never text me back until later that night..you seemed very glad that I was home early and the thought of being stood up very quickly went out the window...you were simply asleep. When we met in the parking lot, I had butterflies in my stomach, my heart was racing, and all I could do was smile. I remember the way you looked at me that night. The same way you look at me today. It was late, so we just drove around. Which was nice. I remember having my hand resting on the console of your truck as we drove into town and you reaching over with that amazing smile on your face and grabbing my hand. The rest of the night included Wall-E, a visit to my brother, and losing track of time only to realize it was 6 AM and I had to get home. You are perfect and I'm glad you took a chance on me. I have had some of the most amazing and memorable times of my life in the past year and a half...and I look forward to many more in the future.

Just thinking...and wanting to document things that I never ever want to forget!

J

I feel like I'm losing it all...

2010-02-04T10:06:00.000-08:00

There seems to be one constant in my life right now. He is amazing and great.

Everything else. I just feel like I'm losing it...I feel like I'm losing myself and I don't like it. It feels like I have been an emotional wreck for the past few weeks and I hate that...I'm the strong one, the one who doesn't get upset over dumb stuff...well its starting to test me and I don't like it. Aside from him, I feel like I have essentially two best friends. Which is fine...but I used to have so many people in my life, it was hard managing time, to ensure time with everyone.

I feel like school is a waste of time currently, I am suffering from severe senioritis...but at the same time I'm wondering if I will actually finish. I feel like my intellect is slipping awat, my edginess, my smarts. I am trying to stay committed to the last few things I am hanging on to. It just all feels like its slipping away from me so fast...and I don't know what to do to get it back.

For once in my life. I feel scared, because I don't know whats going to happen next.

hmmm... a lot to think about, and to try and grasp hold of.

J

2010-01-05T19:45:00.000-08:00

Smile - Uncle Kracker

You're betther then the best
I'm lucky just to linger in your light
Cooler than the flip side
of my pillow, that's right

Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where
You send me, lets me know that it's okay
Yeah, it's okay
And the moments where my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed
Sing like a bird, dizzy in my head
Spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile

Even when you're gone
Somehow you come along just like
A flower poking through the sidewalk crack
And just like that
You steal away the rain, and just like that

You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed
Sing like a bird, dizzy in my head
Spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile

Don't know how I lived without you
'Cause every time that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile

You make me dance like a fool, forget how to rbeathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild

You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed
Sing like a bird, dizzy in my head
Spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh you make me smile
Oh you make me smile
Oh, you make me smile.

I love this song. It's so my life right now.
Maybe New Years-ness will come soon. Until then...

-J

It's a simple kinda thing...

2009-11-02T18:14:00.000-08:00

I have recently realized how much I love and appreciate my friends. I know I don't say that enough, I also know many of them will never see this blog.

Even the friends that are far away, mean the world to me.

Friends come and go, but no matter how you cut it your best friends are here to stay.

I have aquired a new best friend close to a year ago. He has become my everything and so much more. I am so in love with my best friend, and to me that is amazing, and more than I ever dreamed of.

Any-who. I love each and everyone of you guys...especially you. :)

J

It's a rainy kinda day....

2009-10-22T14:25:00.000-07:00

I am so excited! My life is heading in an amazing way.

I am loved, and cherished, and cared for by an amazing man. He truely is my everything. Looking back at how much my life has changed in the past year is amazing. I have given in to the fact that I do not ultimately control it, and let things happen and do not hang on to yesterday.

One of my biggest challenges is trying to not feel like i have to make everything perfect. Slowly, I am coming to this realization, and just letting things go....its hard.

I am beginning to officiate plans for the next few steps in my life. These steps are scary to me. I am sure of them, and know what I must do, yet they are scary. I am ready to move and begin my adventure. Yet, at the same time going into the unfamiliar is rough. We shall see. Atleast I will have someone by my side this time. That will make it a little less scary, I sure do hope.

I am so ready!

J

Today is definantly a camo-duct tape kinda day...

2009-10-15T13:14:00.000-07:00

When you know you should be happy for someone for something, but you just can't be.

That is the situation I am in right now. I don't know how to express myself today....and this is eating at me, and I know it shouldn't. But it does.

I just want to run and hide. Hide amoungst the crowd and pretend everything is fine, paste on my smile. Noone will know something is wrong. It's me, I have no reason to be upset...or do I.

I sometimes justify things to be different then they truely are. Who doesn't at some point in their life. I am trying to stay rational with this situation, I just find it hard.

I want to be happy. I was happy, I am still happy and ecstatic about my own situation. Somehow, I feel like few people will celebrate my happiness in the same respect I am. I feel over shadowed...just like the old days. Forgotten almost.

Oh well...tomorrow is a brand new day.
:) It will be all good! One more day down!

J

It's been a while....

2009-10-07T20:35:00.000-07:00

Hello blog world!

It has been a while since I've been here. I feel like I have come a long way since I first began this whole blog. I feel like I have grown up and am ready to face the world that goes on outside my little realm of reality. It seems like no matter where I have been in the past four years, I have been protected by this little bubble, that is careful as to what reality actually is let in.

I have fallen head over heels for an amazing man. Maybe he has helped me grow up. Maybe he walked into my life at the exact right moment to facilitate and hold my hand through this large realization. He is by far one of the best things that has happened in my life, and I thank God not near enough for bringing him into my life, and answering years of prayers with one amazing person. Everything I have ever dreamed of in the person for my life has been found in this one person. Anywho-enough of that.

I am a fourth of the way done with my senior year of college. I'm so ready for the other 3/4s to HURRY UP! I feel like my time here is done, and yes I am learning new things everyday this whole concept of school seems like its over-done. I'm ready to be working. (I do realize that in 10 years, I will look back and say "I wish I could be back in school")

I love my family, but I am ready to move. I'm ready to experience what else is out there. My potential and my dreams.

I guess that is a lot to digest at once. Maybe I woln't be such a stranger in blog-land.

J

It's that time of year again....

2009-05-06T18:52:00.000-07:00

Confused students hold that heavy load peering into their car that once seemed so large. Questions abound like "How did I fit this in 9 months ago?" and other questions like "Where did all of this stuff come from?"

The treck from the room to the car resembles the owl trying to figure out how many licks it takes to get to the center. How many trips from the room will it take? These students have learned a lot, they have grown up. The feel more mature, more cultured, and more learned. If these testaments are true, one might not ever know.

There time here was full of memories. If only these walls could talk. Full of late nights, study parties, mischieve, and all kinds of stuff. Being a student is so much more when you actually live on campus. The experiences you share are like none other.

Dad now tries his hand at fitting that last tub into the car, with his tongue sticking out and a squinched up eye he manages to squeeze it in.
The trash is all out, the room is clean, and summer is officially starting.

The parking lot is empty, the halls bare. The building is resting. She needs it, she has had a crazy year and is looking forward to many more.

My life is so full of adventure and craziness... :)

J

Summerness...

2009-05-02T00:03:00.000-07:00

So, I've been thinking a lot about summer here lately. Technically its as close as two days away. Come 12:15 Monday, officially.

I remember as a little kid summer revolved around the swimming pool & reading week at the library. I remember the spring that we got our swimming pool and several years later when the deck got built.

I remember early mornings with the grandparents and running around the neighborhood, every Wednesday riding my bike to the Supermarket for a free local newspaper. Days of playing and having few cares, unless you count sitting by my grandparent's phone everyday at noon, waiting just in case they called us from dialing for dollars :).

As I grew up, I remember going to summer day camp. Waiting ALL summer long doing "chores" at my house to earn money for the most AMAZING Super Soaker watergun my precious money could buy, just to take it at the end of summer water game day. Such was the life of a meer little kid. On a side note of camp, I remember when my brother hit the kid with the hockey puck and gave him stitches in his eye....it was a PURE accident.

As the years went on I began to get more serious with my pig showing and started traveling with my pigs to several shows throughout the summer. I also started working more with my mom and helping out at her work.

Once junior high hit, summer band practice and baskeball workouts took up more and more of my time. The joys of playing the tuba. All of this along with showing as well as being involved with an organization that had a lot goin' on during the summer. Everything from conferences to competitions.

The past few years my life has been filled with non-stop on the go summerness. I love being on the go. Summer is amazing because I can take time when I need it, ya know. Once again, I'm working at an internship that is amazingly wonderful. Its stressful at times, but it will be great. I do have to admit I'm ready to have a summer off though. Next year, maybe.

J

My little trip away...

2009-03-28T17:08:00.001-07:00

I am rested and relaxed, and no longer have this feeling of burn-out. I am prepared to tackle the next 6 weeks with full steam ahead. I realized how much I miss and love the beach. It amazes me how lovely and mesmorizing and calming the ocean truely is. Other than the fact that I'm a fair skinned girl and sun is not a good thing :). Oh well. The keys were pretty cool, although I think the drive down was the best part. South beach pretty much rocked, loved the architecture and being able to take in the culture as well as the beach! Overall the experience was an amazing one that was truely a rockin' vacation.

J

It's somthing I deserve...

2009-03-20T19:38:00.000-07:00

This has been a crazy week for many reasons, and of course the typical schooling person is so ready for and puts on the Spring Break goggles the week before so getting much of anything done is a daunting task. Oh, well tis all over now.

I don't typically do things for myself. It is a true rariety. This once, I did this for me. I took a vacation. In total it will be a full week of pure bliss and happiness. I chose to drive a total of 17 hours one way just to get away. I love to roadtrip, and love the open roads and driving, it is liberating and freeing. Warm, sunny, and full of amazingness. It will be a vacation, one of many of the course of my life, but this one will most definantly never be forgotten. Well enough of that for now.

It's obviously Spring Break, so I am hoping everyone out there is being safe and responsible.

J

Back in Action

2009-03-07T22:12:00.000-08:00

...I haven't forgotten about you dear blog.

My life has been taken in the past year and turned upside down, shaken, stired, put through a blender, and been duct taped back together again. I can see that I have changed, it kind of scares me what the world sees. But frankly my dear, I don't care.

I have had highs and lows and crazy turns along the way in my journey of life. Unexpected doors opening, opportunities arising, and risks to take. I feel as though I am becoming more carefree as well as enjoying my life for what it is each day opposed to over thinking and over doing life. I find comfort taking time and CHILLING. It is such a new concept for me, its almost surreal. I have discovered who my real friends are over the past year to six months. I have lost a love, or realized maybe it wasn't really love. In the same respect I have realized there are more people out there who care about me and my success than I even began to believe. I also have a true love.

There are days I believe I am living a dream or that my life has become a fairy tale; some days I dread the strike of midnight for the fear that my life might become what it was. I know this is not true, that I am truely living my life and that this is reality. I look forward to what tomorrow brings, but don't wish the day away.

I am ready for the next chapter of my life to begin, as scary as that is to think about. This school thing, its just beginning to drag. I don't know maybe I have other stuff going on making my life more dynamic which makes it seem that way.

I presume this is enough to possibly catch up on the last little bit. So my current motto for life;
"We could all take a lesson from crayons: some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, all are different colors; but they all have to learn to live in the same box." just thought I would share.

Live, Love, and Laugh!

J

2009-02-12T22:42:00.000-08:00

My life has been so amazing the past four weeks. A change has occured, one that was unanticipated but graciously welcomed.

I have realized that I complicant things. Either I'm too good, or not good enought, or "just right the way I am" to avoid these things. It's not the first time its happened, and I don't how or why it happens, it just does. I just pray that this woln't end the way others have in the past.

Just a refresher and a venting session.

J

Me oh My

2009-01-20T22:45:00.000-08:00

It's been a while, this I know.
It's a new year and there has been a lot that has happened over the past few months.
I voted in my first National Election, a new president is in office.
I have learned a lot, about people, myself, life, and my ability to "conform."
I am loving my life and my goal for this new year is to not take my life to seriously.
I have taken a few risks and gone out on a limb.
My life seems to be so crazy busy and hectic, but thats how I like to function.
On the edge, juggling things, pleasing people, and being as happy as humanly possible.

Well, I will update again soon. I promise.

J.

Such a sweet sweet smell....to some!

2008-09-21T21:13:00.000-07:00

This weekend, I realized in a very real sense something that is so important to me. Something that I can no longer just let go of. I have delt with the past year letting go of something that has been a part of my life for so long. After my experiences this summer that closure was very real and very closed. This weekend, a seperation occured between that door being closed and a very real opportunity. Something once a very important part of my life, something I thought I would be done with except for a mere hobby once the career was off the ground. I laid in bed last night, in a state of contemplation, trying to figure out the logistics, as plans and ideas ran through my mind I realized, a passion. One that is rooted far deeper than 16 years of history. It truely is love.

The smell of early morning dew
The sun rising low onto the horizon
The crunch of wood shavings on the concrete floor
The clank of a 5 gallon bucket
Awakening my loves
It's show day, and they know it
They begin snorting and shortly the whole barn is awake
They get fed and bathed
and the day goes on.
They enter the arena,
with me by their side
The light is on them,
The smile on mine.
The people are amazing
The time is second to none.
The memories irreplacable
The judge takes his time
A ribbon, rosette, banner, or buckle
The color or prize it's second to none
I won my prize walking through the gate
My passion, my life, and my love

J

Pure Excitement!

2008-08-18T21:04:00.000-07:00

School starts in a week! I am pretty pumped.
I am also excited about other things as well.

Very Excited

ex·cite
Pronunciation: \ik-ˈsīt, ek-\
Function: transitive verb
Inflected Form(s): ex·cit·ed; ex·cit·ing
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French exciter, from Latin excitare, from ex- + citare to rouse — more at cite
Date: 14th century
1 a: to call to activity b: to rouse to an emotional response c: to arouse (as a strong emotional response) by appropriate stimuli 2 a: energize b: to produce a magnetic field in 3: to increase the activity of (as a living organism) : stimulate4: to raise (as an atomic nucleus, an atom, or a molecule) to a higher energy level

Ya know hey!

J

Everything is fine....

2008-08-07T11:32:00.001-07:00

Why do I feel like I have done something wrong?

I know that in less than three short weeks everything will seem like nothing has happened. I am trying to live my life as one of which glorifies God, and is as simple as the era of technology will allow.

I give it to God, and keep on keepin' on. Just felt like ponderin'.

J

Simply Put

2008-08-03T18:34:00.000-07:00

A dear friend of mine recently shared a piece of information with me that I found very helpful.

"Today, you have to look a life as a garden, and you dear are simply the gardener. Pulling the weeds and cultivating the rest."

J

Just a little ism.

2008-08-03T18:27:00.001-07:00

I have discovered a lot about myself in the past year. Some things I have always known, and other things I have recently realized.

I don't like:
bananas, people that randomly talk like a toddler, not taking others into consideration, lying, people who can't spell, using texting lingo in everyday conversation, people expecting too much, people who don't fulfill promises, cussing, driving slow, sheep, green peas, people who try to hard to be something else, 100 + degree weather, guilt, plastic bags.

I don't know I felt like being a little random, isn't that typical of me?

J

Never thought this day would come...

2008-07-31T16:44:00.001-07:00

A summer of dreams.

Reaching them, fullfilling them, rocking out and having fun.
My internship ends tomorrow. 12 weeks. With some awesome people doing things and learning things about myself, my peers, the business world, the internal workings of an organization and many other things. The past twelve weeks have pushed me to know extremes and new ideas.

My emotions are edged just a titch, I am slightly unsure how to feel. I have frazzled emotions about this summer for many different reasons and from many different aspects.

I rocked out, had fun, learned a lot, got the t-shirt, and am throwin in the towel!

For everything there is a purpose, and everything there is a time.

J

Life is sometimes bitter sweet

2008-07-26T21:44:00.000-07:00

I have had an absolutely AMAZING summer! Full of fun, work, surprises, excitement, finding out more about me, making some absolutely amazing friends **Ethel and Senor** , finding out about true friends. Many other things those were just to name a few.

I was a little aprehensive about this summer going in. Some of those fears were met head on and I delt with things. Others, I never thought would happen. Life has been full of great days with awesome people. To the hopeless romantic; Wishful thinking didn't help. Honestly if someone could help me find the edge of the planet I would personally push and take the blame. However, there is an awesome Janitor that I have gotten to know.

Maybe in a few weeks, once I get back to school. This little chit-chat will be repurposed and refocused.

J

I like to oat oat oat....opples and ba-nonos

2008-07-21T18:30:00.000-07:00

Such is life. I like to sing camp songs. I like to be a kid. I love to play with bubbles. I love to smile. There are lots of things I like and love. This summer has only defined those things a little bit further.

This week has the potential to be pretty awesome

J

Sweet Summertime

2008-07-17T18:51:00.000-07:00

What really is summer?
A break from school...
A chance to have fun and relax...
A chance to make money....
A chance to learn who you are....
and the list goes on.

Summer to me doesn't get started until you walk into a building and get bomb-barded with the over powering scent of bug spray. Its not summer until you go hoarse singing camp songs. It not summer to me, until your reunited with your "summer friends." You don't mind getting dirty, sweaty, and gross simply to have fun and to try and show up the boys.

For me summers in the past have been full of planning and doing. I have loved it. I have slowly grown out of that, and now I have been able to make summer decisions. I haven't really felt like I really have had summer other than the WONDERFUL summer heat of the south. Summers full of memories and friends. Full of laughter and glee, those will always be there. Yet, what is summer? How does this one word define 3 months of ones life, for so many years; yet I still can not explain quite what summer is.

The good 'ole summer home has been amazing. Here I sit preparing for the last two weeks of my internship, of my summer. When people think of that awesome place away in their mind. I am actually getting to live in mine. So much peace and quiet. Almost serenity. It will be sad when its over, but I have to make room for those out there who are stepping up and out to fill many wholes left here by some pretty amazing people.

What is summer to you?

J

A long time gone....

2008-07-13T14:24:00.000-07:00

This summer has been full of ups and downs. It seems like it just started yesterday and I am sitting here with 3 weeks of my internship left. It has been an awesome time filled with new and old friends. A lot of discovering who I am and who others really are. I am prepared for the next few years and ready for my future. I have realized that I have more potential than I thought. I am ready to face tomorrow with an unending desire to achieve my dreams. A part of me is searching for what is really wanted of me. Buy I am happy with theo I am right now. I am ready for school to begin, and my normal job to be back. I am prepared for this semester and the adventures it entails.

J

Your trying so hard....

2008-07-06T18:57:00.000-07:00

to take things away. Once I loved and cared and tried. You know my heart, I have given it to you. Yet, you make things so complicated, because I have lived and let live. I have given my all to so many aspects of my life, and this you know. Things I care about and revel in each and every day. Aspects of my past that give me the "who" that I am, that give me the lessons and memories of my childhood and of the opening of the door to my adulthood. Such is life I guess. I keep growing up where and when some don't.

Oh, well. It's my life anyways.

J

I'll have a hand in it....

2008-07-05T18:32:00.000-07:00

I assimilate my job with that of the one God does in my life. Yes, it might sound a bit odd but the fact that God has his hand in everything is amazing. Even when we forget these things about God, no matter what he is there. With my job I have prepared for several conferences, some which I have had a very large part in dealing with and others that I just get everything prepared and send it and them off. After this experiance I realize the miricles God preforms when we least expect it. That and how much we simply EXPECT him to take care of.

Until later

J

Finding inspiration from the side of a cup

2008-06-25T16:43:00.000-07:00

Cool
Delcious
fruity
Yummy
tasty
divine
Hevenly
bright
delectable
icey
sweet
satisfying

Overall these go along with my motto for the summer and my life in general here lately. "Whatever happens, happens!"

My mind has been racing here lately, 90 to nothing. I just want it to stop, the haze to go away. I am happy, yes but I want MY happiness back!

J

Anticipating the World

2008-06-22T15:11:00.000-07:00

I like this phrase. Its one that I have been using here lately. I have blogged lately about growing up and what not. Well, I want to be a kid forever. I know that I will be, yet facing the future and reality seems like it will be a harder task that I imagined. Instead of letting people and the world judge who I am, I am now anticipating the world. Prepared for who and what might be thrown in my direction, I am ready. Such an exciting task, yet one I am prepared to tackle head on, and head strong.

Summer officially began yesterday. Although this summer has been FAR from typical. Atleast one aspect of my life is still definatly child-like. Full of smiles and happiness (okay so that is most of my life)

J

Today is a new day

2008-06-19T19:12:00.000-07:00

I have had two of the most TIRING weeks of my exsitance the past two weeks. I have had trials and tribulations thrown at me. I have had to deal with loads of issues, and have realized how "grown-up" people think of me. I don't know if its just me, but the fact that when I say I am never going to grow up I will ALWAYS be a big kid at heart and people give me one of "those" looks. I don't know how to take it. Anywho, I love what I am doing this summer, and its amazing to get to see the impact I have had, an impact that I never knew I had made.

I am beginning to get pumped about the fall! WOOT!

J

I do it...each and everyday

2008-06-09T20:28:00.000-07:00

I put a smile on my face
to make you happy

I hide the anamosity,
the fear
the anger
and the sadness.
All behind a simple smile.

One of these days I am sure,
you will care.
Actually once upon a time I thought you did.
Well, maybe you do and I am to blind to see it.

I love to smile, and I realize the potential the little act can have.
However, today I just want to Smile in the Rain. and I have, yet you didn't notice.
Maybe you will tomorrow. Maybe you woln't. Today, right now; I don't.

Maybe tomorrow will be different. Yet, today has been a good day for the most part.
Tomorrow for sure will be better.

J

Practicle and Useful creates a whole new meaning

2008-06-08T13:34:00.001-07:00

I have had a weekend full of emotion. I have realized how things change. As I continue to grow in so many ways I have realized how practicle I think... I am not a person who can easily take compliments, actually it takes a lot for me to accept them. I have always been the kind of girl who has a bubbly personality, easy to get along with, and prepared to take on the world. I never imagined being told that someone appreicated everything I do, because their child(ren) look up to me. I always believed that a SMILE could change the world, and after this weekend I was proven, once again that it can. I never realized the importance of hearing someones voice, and how magical that is after you've been communicating via online sources. I love the summer time, because a part of my life revolves around the fact that no matter how far apart we live, or what is going on in our lives, next summer here we will be. This weekend has been a very emotional one. From being so upset with someone I care very deeply about, because they seemed to not care about me. To seeing a friend I have been missing much more than I ever thought I would. Realizing that growing old isn't a bad thing. Realizing that there are people out there who look up to me, people I never even realized. Making someone's day through a simple scentence and a kinda act. Impacting someone's life. Having confusing emotions on top of being tired, happy, and on the verge of getting sick.

A great weekend it has been.

J

A REAL realization!

2008-05-31T19:31:00.001-07:00

I hate growing up. I don't like it. I know I am young at heart and plan on staying that way...BUT the actualy fact of growing up sucks!

*insert tantrum here*

I am now taking time to appreciate the little things in life....not that I haven't before, but now they have become even more important.

J

This one's for you

2008-05-28T18:59:00.000-07:00

I miss everyone. Yet, I am enjoying this whole doing new things thing. As well as getting to know some amazing people and making new friends. As crazy as this summer is going to potentially be, it has been surprisingly relaxing. To the hopeless romantic, boy howdy life is great.

I have vowed several times that I am going to take time for me, and after this summer not having time for me is going to be an issue, for the simple fact that I spend a lot of time with myself.

until next time
J

A short 3 day weekend!

2008-05-26T19:40:00.000-07:00

Another memorial day. One full of remembering those lost in war, and thanking all of those who served for our freedom.

My weekend was very relaxing and full of friends. I enjoyed the entire weekend. The next few weeks are going to be crazy between work and things I want and need to do.

I absolutely love the place that I live at this summer. When someone asks you to close your eyes and think of the place you would go....well I live at mine. Its a place I have virtually called home for 5 or 6 years now, and officially this summer, it is my home. It is so quiet and filled with nature and I love it. Being able to look out my window and see a vast array of nature is awesome.

I also love the weather we have been having here lately. Not the hot gross humid weather but the weather with random spring showers, beautiful lightening shows, and amazing mid-day breezes. I am not a fan however, of the devestation that some of this weather has brought this state.

I am dreaming, a good dream. One of hope and wonderment. Full of life, love, and happiness. With the achievement of goals and the surrounding of great friends. One day this dream will become reality. Today, feels like a great day.

J

I think its all in my head!

2008-05-21T18:36:00.000-07:00

At times I hate emotions all together.
No explanation to feelings and it sucks.
I simply wish I were truely emotionless.

I am enjoying my summer. Things are going okay, I pressume. I love just sitting outside and taking in the quiet. At first it seems odd, but soon it becomes comfortable and rather enjoyable. Going back to the chaos of school in a short 11 weeks is going to be rough, but I can manage.

J

To live and to learn....

2008-05-12T20:18:00.000-07:00

I have always lived under a wing. Doing things that make me happy yes, full-filling my dreams, yet doing things to please other people. I have always had others who sort of guided me and lead me and gave me advice. For once, I have sort of been thrown out, on my own, doing my thing. Sure, there is a hand and familiar faces there. They are great. I start on a new expedition tomorrow, one that will be full of hardwork, fun, and a little bit of opening a new chapter to an old book.

J

A look of death....

2008-05-11T17:35:00.000-07:00

I never thought I would be the one who would receive this look. I also never thought that I would EVER be able to COMPLETELY avoid making eye contact with a specific person...hmm such is life.

I start my new job on Tuesday for the summer, I am SO excited. I moved into my summer apartment yesterday. Still have a few homish touches before its ready to get settled in.

J

Hot-N-Ready

2008-05-09T16:41:00.000-07:00

I am taking a break from the long day of packing....slowly but surely the mounds of JUNK in my room are beginning to disappear. It is kind of sad. A quick look around the room shows the many boxes full of this that and the other, the neatly sorted piles of more JUNK that has "value" to me right now I am ready for it to be piled out of sight for a bit. Organization is a quality many see as a face-value to my life. I am organized, yet often times a little mess doesn't bother me. Although I would prefer if I could flip that switch to keep everything prim and proper and put away...haha novel concept. My room, if any of you have ventured a look recenlty looks like it was hit by a tornado, earthquake, and hurricane all at the same time. Well, slowly but surly we are getting out of this.

Packing up my room has made me realize one thing. This one thing is the fact that I do NOT like empty spaces. If I am given X amount of room I don't want it to be empty. After reflecting on this idea for different parts throughout the day I realize this is true in many more aspects of my life than just my "space" or room.

I start an adventure on Monday evening/Tuesday. I am ready and very excited. I have an internship and am getting the privelage to work with my best friend. We go to seperate colleges and have gotten extremly close over the past few years, so it has been hard being away from each other for so long. The Shady One is such an awesome person, that has been there for me when he least expected it.

Well, the mess around me is starting to taunt me again, so I shall be off!

J

Joy for a company I used to hate!

2008-05-08T20:18:00.000-07:00

I give them kudos and props and everything inbetween.

Wal-Mart, a company I used to not really care for becasue of their conglomoration and large "super store" highatus that shut out smaller mom and pop stores. They have played it smart in the past, making moves that many wouldn't have expected. What have they done now...well you see if you enter any newer Wal-mart store you might notice while parusing the shopping center that the lights may seem to dim and get brighter, well if you were to look up there may be a complexity of windowish units above using natural light to help provide lighting during the day. This is only one of the first few steps this huge corporation is taking to "Go Green."

I have been looking in my life and trying to realize things I can do to help out the world. I am an evironmentalist, get over it. I have a passion for the environment, especially the water situation. Yet, I digress. I am beginning to take my major seriously and utilize business that have great business characteristics and morals. One reason I am doing more business with Wal-mart.

Wal-Mart is taking steps to further their "green-ness" I am waiting on them to change their colors from blue and white to green and white. (;}) Wal-mart will not ship trucks that are not atleast 3/4 full or fuller, to cut down on fossil fuel waste. They are using recycled plastic to make their bags (this is something I still don't feel is 100% green but its a step). In new stores they are going to start putting in electrical outlets in lamp posts in the parking lot so that while you are shopping you can charge your car. Also, the employee smocks and shirts are beginning to be made out of recycled bottle caps and other recycled materials (how cool is that?)!

If this huge company can start taking little steps, although they have the money to back it, why can't we?

What are you doing?

J

Dia de mi madre!

2008-05-07T08:32:00.000-07:00

While finishing up the life of a busy student and employee, I am trying to pack and hence I am thinking. Thinking about my family, and the decisions I am thinking about and making. Since mother's day is coming up I am trying to decide what I want to get her. I have thought of a few gifts and am trying to decide exactly what I want to get for her. She hasn't had a real chance to catch up with her reading, but since she is about to have three months off of work I am thinking about supplying her with a mini-series from her favorite author. Another thing I am thinking about is that the university is having a basket plant sale on Friday, so I may go pick her out some flowers or something for the garden back home. Hmmm, who knows!

J

Wee....the smell of bleach!

2008-05-05T11:36:00.000-07:00

It's the end of the semester
The ladies are movin' out
An aroma of swiffer and bleach fills the air
Paper is scattered about the ground
A smile coveres all faces

It feels good to be done.

J

The piller doesn't quite reach...

2008-04-30T18:19:00.000-07:00

The 'ol baldy said bye last night. I have decided that I don't like "goodbyes" because that means its over. I will be seeing 'ol baldy whenever I go home, so its DEFINATLY not over for me. haha. He did shed some light on something that was rather interesting about this dome that was built....and the "board" incharge of making sure the structure was safe thought the dome would not last, and might fall in and hurt people, so the asked him to put up pillars to help reinforce the dome. Well several years later....they decided to construct a scaffolding to clean this dome and once the men reached the top...they weren't expecting what they saw. From the floor the pillars looked amazing, and looked as though they were doing the job they were placed there to do, but at EYE level the were about 2 foot short. There to please the people in charge, but not helping support the masterpiece itself.

This reminds me that often we find ourselves doing things simply to please those around us and to not actually doing things for ourselves or doing things that don't even affect us.

Ol baldy also helped me realize how important people are in my life. One thing I don't say often enough to those in my life is Thank You. With a simple list of 27 things, we ALL can achieve so much more. I know 'ol baldy's list. What is your list?

Maybe I will construct a list, who knows.

J

FUN!

2008-04-27T22:15:00.000-07:00

It's been a while....for lots of things!
Writing on here has been one of those things I have not being doing lately....another one of those things I have been missing out on here lately is fun! I mean I have fun moments in my life...but days on end of fun. That is the way my past few days have been...full of FUN! I have gotten to hang out with friends that I have been missing, watch a favorite child hood cartoon, and play a favorite board/card game! It has been SO much fun!

I am going to have an AMAZING summer! Full of an amazing organzation, my best friends, and work, and not to mention fun!
I am closing in on the HALF WAY mark of my schooling career....the first part of the half anyways...
Other amazing things are starting to rock and roll in my life...its CRAZY and awesome all at the same time!

J

Sometimes....

2008-04-15T19:13:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking a lot here lately.
Comparing my life to various things:
- A constructin barrel
- Camo Duct tape
-Duct tape
- Cup of Sweet Tea
- The word potentially
etc....

Today, I am throwing in a new one. One that is slightly awkward for me to use as a metaphor. Yet I still will continue. Today, I am comparing my life to that of a Rose bush. Now, if you have known me for more than like a day you probably know that I HATE roses! With a passion. The concept behind a rose bush though is phenominal. The fact that a thing of such beauty comes from an object that is harsh with thorns and is very residual. Yet the flower of beauty and grace is so delicate and genuine. Lately I feel as though at times I am the flower, my life full of beauty and love. Other times I am upset, angry, mad, or just plain in not a 100 % happy mood; these times I am the bush, full of thorns, set in my ways overtaking obstacles with a force to recone with. Often times, I am the reason for these feelings. Many times its boils down to being, just me. Today I feel like the bush. My goal is to once and ALWAYS be the rose. Yet, like I said before...I dislike ROSES...

J

Shiny Things

2008-04-15T15:49:00.000-07:00

I like glitter and glam.
Things you wouldn't expect from me
Through the smile, you mostly see
There is a person
A person complete with emotions and fear
One that loves shiny things.
Instead of doubting
Give me a chance
Instead of turning
Give me a glance
I believe in being me
That I like these shiny things.

J

a Rat race with no end

2008-04-15T15:45:00.000-07:00

It seems like the past few months have been trialing. I have had some of the best moments come out of those months and also some of the worst. Right now though, I feel like I have failed, I have done something wrong. I just don't know the answer to that question. I feel like there is a missing link to the chain...or a puzzle piece that has been micheviously taken out of the box. My life has currently become a day to day living of the unknown. I don't know whats going to happen next. I don't know what emotions will be had. All I know is that when it seems to be getting better I better fasten my seat belt a little tighter and hold on 'cuz there is going to be a head whirling, stomach loosing, twist, turn or oopsie "o" on its way.

J

Last time I checked....

2008-04-09T16:58:00.000-07:00

A circle is round...and continuous. No matter how many points lay in the circumfrence of the cirle.

I am just saying.

J

Impartial parts of my Life....

2008-04-08T22:49:00.001-07:00

I have submerged myself in music here lately. Letting my mind wander into the unknown sorting through the rampage in my mind through lyrics and issues of others in the world.

Cry on my Shouler
By: Overflow

You say you're falling apart.
Reached the end of the line.
Just looking for your place in an ordinary life.
No one calls you friend.
No one even knows your name.
You just want to feel loved instead of all the pain.

You no longer have to say.
No one's listening anyway.

Come here and cry on my shoulder.
I'll hold you 'till it's over.
I'll rescue you tonight.
Let my arms be your shelter,
Your hiding place forever.
I'll love you more than life

You're wearing a frown.
Given up on hope.
My heart is reaching out.
More than you will ever know.
Is your burden too much?
Is it more than you can bear?
I'll help carry the load if you're willing to share.

You no longer have to say.
No one's listening anyway.

Come here and cry on my shoulder.
I'll hold you 'till its over.
I'll rescue you tonight.
Let my arms be your shelter,
You're hiding place forever.
I'll love you more than life

You have had some hard times.
Had thorns placed in your side.
I know about what you've been going though.
Tears of pain are falling down.
It hurts so bad you're crying out.
Your problems won't last forever.
Let Me put you back together

Free and Easy
By: Dierks Bentley
Pair of boots and a sack of clothes
Free and easy down the road I go
Hangin' memories on the high line poles
Free and easy down the road I go
Free and easy down the road I go
Ragweed's rockin' on the radio
Free and easy down the road I go
So I keep rollin' like an old banjo
Free and easy down the road I go
Got the sun shinin' on me like a big spotlight
So I know everything is gonna be alright
Ain't no tellin' where the wind might blow
Free and easy down the road I go
Livin' life like a Sunday stroll
Free and easy down the road I go
Free and easy down the road I go
If you only get to go around one time
I'm gonna sit back and try to enjoy the ride
I could make a million or wind up broke
Free and easy down the road I go
Can't take it with you when you go so
Free and easy down the road I go
Someday I know it's gonna take me home so
Free and easy down the road I go
Free and easy down the road I go

There are some others. I will share later.

J

A Smile or a frown..

2008-04-08T22:42:00.000-07:00

I smile
I laugh
I giggle....
To you its all okay
It's just typical me
Does it ever cross your mind that its not all okay
The words that you say
sometimes they help
Often times though,
its not what you say
that affects me the most
I love you dearly
I care for you
More than one could EVER imagine
Yet, I nearly left
Today, I don't know if I can forgive
Although I know I will
I have given you my trust
I have given you a piece of me
A sort of offering
All I ask is that before I run
You notice
.....
Maybe its just me
Its all in my mind
I am doing wrong
Thinking these things
My mind so jumbled
This is the only logical piece
I am in the wrong
Like so often in the past
Using a fasod of emotions
To hide my pain
What pain?
Might you ask
A pain that I will never tell
Maybe its not pain at all
Maybe its a feeling
an emotion
a giggle
a laugh
a smile, or maybe a frown.

J

It's a Sweet Tea kinda' day...

2008-04-08T22:28:00.000-07:00

My life has be the epotime of a rollercoaster the past few weeks. Actually over the past few months. The ups and downs and crazy turns along the way. It has been AMAZINGLY awesome and the biggest drag of all times. It has been the craziest time growing up, falling down, turning around, stopping dead in my tracks. I love my friends, my school, my job (for a majority of the time), my family, everything. I say that I love to take risks, yet looking back the risks I have taken have been small and meaningful.

I am scared, this most of you know. Yet, I am scared and prepared to take a risk. I am suffeciantly ready to jump off the deep end into the unknown. Will there be rocks below, alligators, sharks maybe?, or will it be fresh clean water as deep as anyone will know. Am I preparing for this jump, a great jump that when i jump, I fall a few feet and land safely on my feet.

Emotions will not get the best of me, this I am sure. I have made up my mind. They can only be there for the 6 seconds they are alotted. I am living MY life....for me. No-one can take certain things away from me, no matter how hard they try.

J

Behind the times....

2008-04-01T11:40:00.000-07:00

I know I know,
I left you in suspence.
I will catch you up on the Easter weekend happenings in a day or two.

I am a blog let downer.

Right now I really just want to crash. Fall asleep and take a nap, a long nap. One that I will not awake for anyone. Until the little beep-beep occurs around 8 o'clock in the morning. Okay, yes this surpasses the "nap" label, but its what I need. I have been on the go non-stop taking care of business and un-surmountable stress for close to a week and a half now. I want it to stop. Soon, oh so soon, it will.

I have realized in the past about 30 minutes how much I miss the smell of books. Being in librarys filled with old PAPER books, novel concept I know. With technology around us each and every day its to easy to simply "Google it!" or "wikipedia" that. I LOVE books, and I love to read. A passion that has gone over looked for quite some time now. I have recently gone back to this love. It has helped through those stressful and crazy times I have been endureing for several weeks. The sweet sweet smell of hardback books, worn pages, and the sound of characters, thoughts, and ideas all swirling around. Gah, I love this place.

J

Its Almost over

2008-03-27T16:36:00.002-07:00

In a few hours, I will no longer be "forced" to write here. I will try to keep cyber world up on the tabs of my life but it may not be a daily occurance. I can also take in a HUGE glass of SWEET Tea! Wee!

I will update tomorrow on all of the goals I had set for the week, that I DID not accomplish!

J

Grrrrr....

2008-03-27T16:36:00.001-07:00

People are stupid.

J

The true Love

2008-03-27T16:33:00.000-07:00

I have discovered my true love of being in the outdoors. I love the environment and being outside. Just reading, exploring, and taking in the outdoors. When the time comes and I have to move on from this abundance of nature I will have to find some way to full fill my desire of being outside.

I love the starry nights as well, away from the hustle and bustle of the busy world. Gazing into the unknown allowing myself to escape reality for a brief time devealing into God's creation.

J

Oh Dearest Blog of mine..

2008-03-27T16:31:00.001-07:00

I have not forgotten thee! I simply decided to cut and run from work and go home for the remainder of the break. While at home I was unable to log on. SO...I have merely been taking notes on the occurances of the days to write my little notes of life in cyber space. This will function as Thursdays blog.

J

Unfailing....

2008-03-19T19:19:00.000-07:00

Give or take a few hours there are three more days of Lent. In three days I do not have to daily maintain this blog (although I probably will) and I can have a big 'ol glass of SWEET TEA! This Lenten season has been an exceptional one. Allowing me to realize my true faith and understanding of God's teaching. Parts of this season have been pushed to a level where I have not been before. Others have seemed merely a shallow wading pool.

I ponder each and everyday if I am unfailing. I know I am full of failures and sin, yet is there any part of me that is unfailing?

I have had this week of solitude to complete a lot of thinking. Complete, its a harsh word. It has an end, well complete may not be the best word. I have atleast began thinking and knawing on some thoughts that have overtaken my heart and mind for a little while. It kind of feels like a dog's rawhide bone. The ones they chew on and chew on and slowly but surely they get smaller, after LOTS of time and dedication to that bone. Who knows. One day I will solve the problem to this bone delima.

J

Rice krispy treats and Tornadoes

2008-03-19T19:09:00.000-07:00

The sirens went off twice tonight. Luckily everything was okay in the quaint little town. I was visiting the Great One's wife and weathered the storm there. Reliving the past and discussing the future while playing with the children. Part of the reliving the past was the eating of Rice Krispy Treats! mmmmm!!! While driving home I drove through some treaturous waters....they weren't too bad but when the over splash covers my car...um yeah. Who'da thunk that the little town could flood?

J

Bored...with not much to do.

2008-03-17T12:00:00.000-07:00

I have made several bets with myself the past few days....out of boredom.

I bet throughout the week I will read a minimum of two books.
I will catch up on homework :S (icky for being on break)
I will take enough time for me
I will do something for the greater good
I will catch up with people I haven't talked to
I will prepare for the end of the semester
I will live like there is no tomorrow, and make the best out of this week!

J

Just a 'lil Disappointment.

2008-03-15T18:47:00.000-07:00

You know when you get disappointed about something. Then later you think back and the only thing that your disappointed with is yourself. Don't take that wrong. I am not mad at me, or anything I just couldn't take things the way I was trying to make myself take them.

The concert last night was byfar interesting last night. I got to hang out with CM only because I got lost and he came to the rescue! So many little stories to the night! I had fun, definatly an awesome start to hopefully an AWESOME week!

J

About dang time!

2008-03-15T18:44:00.001-07:00

YAY for breaks! When life was getting tough, I was given a break. Life has defiantly been crazy and amazing here lately. I just needed a break from things.

I decided to get away tonight. I am going to hang out with old friends and go to their concert. It should be fun and a chance to just get away.

J

A feeling like none other

2008-03-13T14:11:00.001-07:00

Have you ever felt like every single emotion attacked you at once? Sadness, happiness, love, joy, peace, patience, silliness, scardness, disbelief, astoundment, and the list goes on. All of these emotions. Something has hit me. HARD. I am struggling with how to handle it. I will surpass this.

Today they unvailed a new aspect. I don't know how I feel about it. All is well, I guess change is good. This lesson of change is important. One that I feel as though I know very well at this point in time.

J

Two days to go!

2008-03-13T14:08:00.000-07:00

There are officially TWO days until the GREAT break of the Spring Semester!!! The weather has been spectacular and I have been jelous of everyone who is getting to spend time out in it. I just want to go read, reflect, and rejoice in the weather. I guess I will have plenty of time to do that later this week and weekend. I sure hope so. The job got a little tideous today but its all GREAT. I got to use my talent to help out with it today. Wee for that!

J

Long Road to hoe

2008-03-11T22:06:00.000-07:00

There has been a seed planted. One full of hope and unknown. I am scared, I don't know what to do or where to go. I will close my eyes and use my faith and trust in God and those around me to guide. I don't know what it means and I don't know how to deal with it. I will pray.

We shall wait and see.

J

To each his own....

2008-03-11T22:00:00.000-07:00

I love happy days! I love days where you wake up and God just blesses you and takes what potentially could be a mediocre day or even an 'ehh day into an AWESOMTASTIC day! I talked yesterday about people in my life who had come full circle, people I used to know and talk to quiet often, and now I either NEVER talk to them except via online messaging. Several people like that came back into my life here recently. It is AWESOME!

I love how God has been blessing me here lately. It is amazing. I am preparing for a new beginning. In many different things. We shall see where my life is about to go.

J

Rockin'

2008-03-09T22:10:00.000-07:00

I have realized how life really just works in circles. A person who was a part of my life when I was younger is back in my life. The Great One has influenced me in so many ways, they will NEVER know. Others that were there when I was younger are back, caring for me, making a difference in my life. People I met several years ago, I ran into this weekend. It was amazing getting to catch up for a few breif moments. At some moments I wanted to break down and cry. Other moments, I was full of smiles enjoying the times we had. Reminiscing of sorts.

God opened my eyes today. Showed me a path that I hadn't considered. The power of believing is so important. Not the believing in God, or in oneself, but believing and truely believing in each other. I never realized the importance of people believing in me. It has never seemed this powerful.

J

The WINNER is.....

2008-03-09T22:06:00.001-07:00

A part of my life was concluded in December. I finished something that has impacted my life and the person that I am in so many ways. I realized that sometimes you take for granted the little accomplishments that mean so much when you achieve them. While sitting at a baquet I realized that I had achieved all of the things that then were so important, and now they are still important. They just take on a whole new meaning.

The weekend is only yet to begin.

J

Bridge May ICE in Cold Weather!

2008-03-09T22:01:00.001-07:00

WEE for SNOW...and for GOING HOME!

I knew there was a reason Clarkton called me early this morning. I should've gotten up, gone to the 9 o'clock section of the One and ONLY class I had. I chose to sleep instead. I woke up and was optimistic about the weather working in my favor. I packed my car and went for lunch. While eating it began to percipatate outside. I was sure, I could make it out in time.

Two hours later, the snow was covering the road. Today, I pondered on a life lesson. Sometimes the road gets dangerous and rough, yet its easier to keep moving forward than turning back to something more familiar. I knew that it was easier to keep moving, I was driving through the worst of the storm. Just a little further, I knew I would be safe. I made it safely, and had an adventure for sure.

J

CAUTION: Do not Enter!

2008-03-09T21:56:00.000-07:00

A mind is a horrible thing to waste!

Here lately it seems as though I have been running cirlces with something I have been sure of for a while. A decision I have been compelled by. Such is life, I pressume.

I have the best friends in the entire world. No matter what happens in the end we always find the true us again.

J

516 miles and three friends

2008-03-06T15:12:00.000-08:00

Tonight, I drove for eight hours to go see my favorite band play. IT was so AWESOME! We had an amazing time!

I am not one to use Lyrics in blogs, but today I am going to. This song that I heard last night just encompassed me and was SPECTACULAR!

There were three Before the king
There were three who wouldn’t bow to him
For when you heard
The music play
And you were standing you would burn.
They looked at him and said…
Burn us up! Burn us up! Burn us up!
Oh king won’t you burn us in the furnace of
Your desire
We give up! We give up! We give up!

Oh king won’t you burn us in the furnace of
Your desire! Won’t you throw us in the fire!
The king enraged
At what they said
Sent the three away to find their death
The palace stopped in unbelief
When the guilty raised their hands to sing
They looked to him and said…
Burn us up! Burn us up! Burn us up!
Oh king won’t you burn us in the furnace of
Your desire
We give up! We give up! We give up!

Oh king won’t you burn us in the furnace of
Your desire! Won’t you throw us in the fire!
You are able to deliver from the fire of affliction
It’s the declaration of my Lord
You’re not an image of gold
You’re the God of old
You have made us
Come and save us
We are Yours
But even if You don’t,
Burn us up! Burn us up! Burn us up!
Oh king won’t you burn us in the furnace of
Your desire
We give up! We give up! We give up!
Oh king won’t you burn us in the furnace of
Your desire!
Won’t you throw us in the fire!

This song is by Shane and Shane and is called Burn Us Up. It is talking about the bible story in Daniel about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abedingo. Which, is one of my favorite stories anyways!

J

An AWESOMETASTIC DAY!

2008-03-06T15:05:00.000-08:00

Tuesday was an awesome day. Classes were okay ehh, classes. Its not about that. Its about getting on the same page with everyone again. I feel okay with where I am at. I simply just have to keep being me. I am excited about tomorrow! Yay for going to the most amazing concert of ALL times!

We had an AWESOME worship service tonight! I was nervous going in. Yet, once everything got going it was awesome. Everything just rolled together and worked out amazingly.

J

Mondays are Fun days?

2008-03-06T14:44:00.000-08:00

I feel out of blogging this week. I kept notes on the week to assit with writing.

It feels like its going to be an AWESOME week! I am excited about several events that are going down this week! I am going to see my favorite band in concert! Which requires a mini-road trip to get there. I am also going home. I am ready to go home, I need this. I need this break.

Things are just crazy right now! Getting my life refocused is having a few minor bumps in the road. Nothing that woln't be surpassable, just take time.

J

Hell is Free, you get what you Pay for

2008-03-02T20:47:00.001-08:00

So, the title has nothing to do with anything, I just think its funny.
It was a name of a song from a band I saw yesterday.

This weekend has been so much fun! I have got to spend a lot of time with all of my friends.
The weather has been AWESOME all weekend long. I am looking forward to this next week! I think its going to be just as great!

The weather is making me yern for Spring Break. WOO HOO! We have finished mid-terms, and I am ready to rock and roll on through!

J

Jelous of a Good thing.

2008-03-02T20:41:00.000-08:00

3/2/08

I had to do interviews today. Inside. I only have winterish dress up clothes here. Which made things worse.

It was one of the most BEAUTIFUL days of the year! IT was rockin. But I was inside, for almost the whole day. Noodle and Clarkton walked around campus with me while I was on a lunch break. We had lots of fun! Then we loaded up for a mini road trip once I finished working and interviewing for the afternoon. We had lots of fun, and continued searching for random "Steps"

I am protesting now, if they take CLYDE away, I will fight and scream. He is a symbol of our past and feelings, our unity. I will be the "LEAVE CLYDE ALONE" girl, it WILL be on youtube.

J

The STEPS of my life!

2008-03-01T10:13:00.000-08:00

I had an AWESOME leap day!

It was the most amazing and LOADS of fun! We rocked out creating "steps" to achieve within the day!

Anything and everything from going to a park, going to a nature center, getting smoothies, getting wings, making a baby (at build-a-bear), going Christmas...i mean BIRTHDAY shopping, going to a LIFE party, going to Wal-Mart (and being random), going to LEAP at a random place (before leap day ran out), going to the fountain with a duck thats alergic to water, and all getting in a boy's shower.

It was an AMAZING day with AWESOME friends!

J

The End of an Era

2008-03-01T10:08:00.000-08:00

2/28

Today a celebration one to top all others
WE celebrate change
Change in something that everyone here identifies with
We are all one
We unite,

I am and always will be
My pride is justified
I started here with you
Something to identify
Now its time for change
A lot of that I've seen
In the hearts of many
Yet you woln't be seen
The spirit carries on
Of all those who are here
Tomorrow a new beginning
One with few tears
Today I still believe
As I will for years
We will hold strong
With your spirit anew
I will never back down
For once, I am
and ALWAYS I will be

J

Such is the Life

2008-03-01T10:06:00.000-08:00

Wednesday 2/27/08
I have an awesome life
I question it each and every day
Yet, life is amazing
Got to spend some time with Noodle tonight
We rocked it out while I was working

It was good to just be able to relax and not sweat having homework or studyin' to do
I am looking forward to and end of the week
An end, and a new beginning
As well as doing things, for me.

Life has been pretty awesome this week. Everything just kind of falling into place.
It's only the middle though, who knows what the end has in store.

J

On the highest mountain top!

2008-02-26T19:53:00.000-08:00

God is moving mountains! The great one had an AWESOME service tonight that got me to thinking. I have made some stupid moves in my past, put the epiphany that was "issued" tonight is one that I came to about 5 or 6 months ago. One that I have been "living" all of my life, or trying to atleast.

God has layed something upon my heart and is guiding me a way right now, that part of me is dead set ready to go with. The other part of me has put up a wall, and doesn't want to deal with the things I have to accept this. Its an exciting adventure I am ready to ensue. Yet I need a break first. I am ready for this break.

I just want it on the record, I officially hate MIDTERMS! They are pointless, to set aside a week of testing to clump everything together in eager students lives. When exams are spread out throughout the semester, you don't have this all night crazy studying. All the stress and everything else that comes along with it.

"Let what we do in here, fill the streets out there."

J

Lights burning into the night

2008-02-25T21:01:00.000-08:00

I hate feelings that hit you HARD! I was excited about an amazing Monday. Or, what I thought was GOING to be an awesome day! Don't get me wrong it was pretty good...just not AWESOME. All plans, got thrown out in the matter of minutes.

I realized today that God gives the ability to make decisions. Yet, guides us the way he wants. I have realized a gift God has given me. A gift that I didn't want to accept fully. One, that I wanted to make it my own. After thinking and being frustrated over a situation, God has the situation under control, and is merely opening up AMAZING doors through which I can use to my advantage with this gift.

God is truely AMAZING! Which, I guess makes my day not too horrible.

J

Salute Your Shorts anyone?!?!

2008-02-24T22:36:00.000-08:00

We run, we jump, we swim, we play
We row and go on trips
But one thing that lasts forever
Our are dear friendships
Camp Anawanna

We hold you in our hearts
And when we think about you
It makes me wanna fart
"It's I hope we never part, now get it right or pay the price."

We will share a lifetimeof the fondest memories
By the lake of Anawanna
Set in the old pine trees
Camp Anawanna

We hold you in our hearts
And when we think about you
This thing came apart
think Anawanna, speakAnawanna, live Anawanna. Ug!

YAY!!! I love having a night of memories! I feel old...when I have to go to a retro website to find shows I USED to watch...Also, when I freaked out 'cuz the smurfs season 1 is coming out on DVD on tuesday!

J

Life is so Simple...once again!

2008-02-23T09:14:00.000-08:00

Slowly but surely my life is coming back in line, the way it used to be. Things are starting to simplify themselves out. I knew this day would come through all the ups and downs, but honestly I thought it would take a lot longer. Everything is going great! I am rekindling old friendships, renewing those bonds that I thought might be lost. I am making new friends, and having fun along the way.

God really has layed a lot on my heart here lately. He really has me thinking through a lot of things and its extremely exciting, just to see the little insight he is giving me into where I am going.

J

The smell of Vinegar

2008-02-21T15:12:00.000-08:00

Almost anywhere I went today I could smell vinegar. A not too pleasant smell.
Yuck! Yay for the rock salt stuff they use here on campus.
I wish it would just ice over.

I am excited about the things that have been placed in my life here lately. It seems like my life has once again become an adventure. I need to grab my backpack full of stuff and take on the world. I feel prepared again. I have my God, the wisdom of the Great One, and the influences from SO many others.

One of the things, I have realized I miss the most; MEETING new people and forming new friendships. My ROCK for so many years was being able to take on this task. Lately, I have been yearning for this. I think I have just established a new goal for myself.

J

GOODMORNING Moon...

2008-02-21T15:07:00.000-08:00

(Wednesday)

I went far away, from lights of the glaring city tonight. With two of my close friends.
In hopes to see an amazing site. Tonight is the lunar eclipse.
Our busy days and lifes surrounding our actions.
The fridge night air, colder by the lake.
We don't even realize the moon is no where to be seen.
We tried. We made the misfortune into fun.

So much of my life is filled with trying. Trying to accomplish, achieve, or even SEE something amazing. Yet, many times I fall down. I merely accomplish TRYING. There is nothing wrong with this. As long as I remind myself to see the good out of trying.

This weather is making me want to curl up in a blanket with a good book!

J

A note from Heartbreak Hotel

2008-02-19T14:03:00.000-08:00

I Love, a lot. I feel as though I have a very passionate and compassionate heart and personality. I share my love with all who accepts it. Sometimes though, I wish this love would be reciprocated. I get stepped on and trampeled over all the time. I let myself feel this way. There are days where these feelings are minimal and unimportant. Other days, these feelings are so monumental. Who knows.

I keep hurting myself! I burnt myself accidentally last week on my hand, and arg it looks gross. I have been off and on sick for a while, and I think its getting close to alergy season ICK. Enough of that.

I am not heartbroken, nor will I EVER let myself get that way. Expectations are horrible. I hold myself to so much, on so many seperate levels.

I decided with one of my friends today that I am going to try something new. I am going to start passing on inspirational books that I read. I am going to pass them on with the only stipulation for the person to SOMETIME, pass on that book or another book that they deam should be passed on. I realize sometimes books touch us in a special way, give us a feeling we don't want to pass on. (The reasoning of being able to pass on another book). I don't know, books have a special place in my heart. We shall see how well the idea plays out.

J

In ONE year....

2008-02-18T20:20:00.001-08:00

I have been thinking a lot lately about promises. Those that I make to myself especially. I have decided that there are several promises and things I want to accomplish within one year from now. Some feel rather superficial, others are very real goals and ambitions, as well as promises that I have made with myself.

-Read the Bible in a year.
-Achieve the Internship I want this summer
-Dedicate NO less than 4 hours a week to ME
-Take a Road trip
-Impact someones life
-Dedicate myself to my leadership team
-Do something I enjoy this summer, while pushing myself to a new extreme
-Smile, genuinely EACH and everyday
-Strive for exceptional grades
-Exceed a fear
-Meet new people, form new friendships

I think these are all, for atleast now. I am sure this list will be updated and critiqued over the next few months.

J

Questioning long lost decisions

2008-02-17T19:39:00.000-08:00

I have had some life chaning moments and made some growth enhancing decisions over the past 6 months or so. In the past week I have questioned many of the decisions I have made. Questioning things as to if I should have spoke up when I did. What the right thing to do this summer is. Where to go. Who to be around. Who to trust. What to say. All of these and more have been floating around in my head. I am ready for them to end again.

I hate feeling an ounce of hope and letting that hope grow into something its not. That thought is now out of my mind. I am done. Finished. Its OVER, for good. That is a promise I made myself a while back. A promise I will not go back on.

J

A Day of nothingness

2008-02-17T19:30:00.000-08:00

(A tribute to Saturday)

So many THINGS to do, yet I accomplished nothing.
I have been lacking sleep here lately the past week or so, so I caught up on sleep.
Going into this weekend, I knew I was going to have to keep my mind occupied to keep from getting sad or upset. Over a stupid thing, but something that ment a lot to me. Oh, well.

I was able to get away and relax. Spend some quality time with some close friends.

I realized today that I am missing some of my friends that I haven's seen in several months. We all live far away from each other, but I am accostumed to seeing them atleast once a month (in previous years). So this whole not seeing them for 4 or 5 months is killing me. I will work on getting to see them soon.

J

Tagalongs

2008-02-15T23:23:00.000-08:00

YAY!! In case the whole world didn't know its GIRL SCOUT COOKIE TIME!!!! I have been craving them for the longest time. Today, I was able to fulfill my craving!

It was a MARVELOUS way to celebrate me, being....me. For the first time in almost a month I feel like me again. Everything seems to be 99.4234555 % back to normal and I am back to the true and real me.

I feel bad because a group is going to work on Tornado relief, but I need tomorrow for me. I have loads of homework, and I know my Sunday is already full.

My Smile, is back. The real one!

J

DO NOT ENTER!

2008-02-15T01:43:00.000-08:00

You know the parable your parents or grandparents told you about walkig 20 miles to school up hill both ways waist high in the snow. I don't think its a when life gets tough parable. Its more of a you learn lessons through all your endevours. Or atleast thats what i see today. My life has been turned upside down and backwards here lately. Loads of things I have had to analyze and think about.

Like why are there SO many trains?

I had an amazing FERRIS WHEEL DAY. As afore mentioned I HATED the Holiday that was celebrated yesterday. I rocked out and had lots of fun!

I am SHARING the LOVE each and everyday to all I encounter!

J

An utter dismay!

2008-02-13T21:22:00.000-08:00

I HATE Valentine's Day.

I don't just dislike it, I absolutely positively with shear dismay HATE this holiday! It is a commercialized wreck and excuse for attention. Don't get me wrong, affection is okay, but do you have to be told when to show "Love" for someone.

Many people don't realize the Valentine's Day is actually dirived from a Catholic Celebration for St. Valentine.

Why do we celebrate this holiday anyways. What draws us into it?
I am preparing for my day tomorrow. No, its not just "Singles Awareness day" it is Feb. 14th, my parents anniversary, and (St.) Valentine's Day.

To me, its another day to strive for success in everything I do. To share my love and compassion with all that I encounter.

Bring on St. Patricks Day!

J

8 mintues late, and a dollar short

2008-02-12T22:08:00.000-08:00

I am EXHAUSTED! I have been on the go since I came back to school yesterday. Nothing is wrong, just everything has been rush rush rush. My life has been crazy! Some very important people in my life have recently said and done some amazing things that have helped me through this week.

Watch that first step 'cuz its a DOOZIE!!!

J

In the midst of a Thunderstorm....(MONDAYS!)

2008-02-11T22:18:00.000-08:00

I LOVE thunderstorms and rain!
I love to sit and listen to the world around me get hushed to the miraculous sounds of nature.
I have recently walked out from under a very lengthy thunderstorm. Full of scariness. Moments of unsure paths. Questioning decisions. The list goes on. I threw my umbrella away a week or so ago. A little rain never hurt anyone. Until it was up to my neck. Then I realized what I had to do. That is when I walked out and away from my thunderstorm.

I will know be back on the correct days for posting, hopefully there woln't be anymore of this four posts in one day.

J

Weebles Wabble but......

2008-02-11T11:50:00.000-08:00

....they don't fall down!

So I hadn't forgotten about writing. I actually have been keeping up with my writing, I have kept up with it, I just couldn't log on. So the posts are delayed.

I have had several realizations this weekend about who I am. I am still in limbo about LOTS of things. Slowly but surely they should work things out.

Home was a good event. Home, is home again.

J

A Day to top all others....recently

2008-02-11T11:49:00.000-08:00

My most amazing, spectacularly awesometastic day in a REALLY REALLY REALLY Long time!

Today, everything is clear.
Still rough and ridges and very muddy...but there is a reflection in the muddle.

My day started off like a typical Saturday, sort of! I was up at 8 AM! Crazy I know!
It started off with getting to drive my 1st vehicle EVER! My Sonoma, ahh I miss that truck!
Then I got to eat CHINESE food with one of my dearest friends from High School, we got to catch up and have some fun, realizing how much our feelings were alike.
After food and friendship, we parted ways and I went back home and spent some time with my family. Chillin' around the farm, playin with the horses and stuff.

This afternoon I got to SHOOT SKEET!!! OH my goodness! It has been forever, but I had SO MUCH fun!!!!! It was just like the good 'ole days again!
To top off an AMAZING afternoon we went and got to see a Bald Eagle, even though it didn't fly, it was still AMAZING!
Then tonight, I not only got to play with the baby for a while, I ALSO got to spend time with one of my best friends from home! We rocked out in her living room just having fun and catching up! I love being able to pick up right where we left off!
When I was leaving, I looked up and saw the AWESOME creation from God, of the sky. It was a GORGEOUS night the sky was absolutely BEAUTIFUL! I took in the sight for a bit then went home.

I thank God for home. The ability to escape reality for just a few days. To truely appreciate the person I am, the people I have in my life, as well as everything I have. Reality is truely over rated way too often.

J

A long trip home

2008-02-11T11:48:00.000-08:00

I drove. 176 miles. Seeing nothing but tail lights, and very few of them. The roads are empty and well traversed. Yet, I feel like I am in bumper to bumper rush hour traffic on a friday afternoon. As I drove, I thought. Genres of music changed, from metal and rap, to JUNO, to relient K, to air 1 radio station, and even COUNTRY!...then silence. I was sick of the noise. I was sick of the noise I have been putting in my own life for so long. I am okay alone, I can spend time with myself. So, I did!

The long trip, or rather short one, turned into a lengthy thought session, intermitant with prayer. I maintained my cool all of last year, because I traversed home so often. (side note: I love to travel!...hmmph?) I have thought so much, had my breakdown. Now what?

Now, everything is a blur.
Everything that has been....has been and was.
Everything will be, will be the way it is supposed to be.
Like someone ran there fingures across a wet canvas, WEE for a blur!
Yet, my blur is like one of those 3-D pictures, squint and you can see something!

J

Remebering a day gone by....

2008-02-07T15:42:00.000-08:00

I have had a song stuck in my head ALL day...not just any song but the WORST song ever! Okay, so maybe its not the WORST....but pretty darn close. It was a song by some hippies, about change. (If I can find it online, I will share it)

Change is something that has been affecting me A LOT here lately.

I realized today that I have been getting upset and frustrated at people lately over stupid things. Many of these due to change, or lack there of. It's all a thing people have to learn over time. These are feelings I have to work on quashing.

Another thing I have realized is that people struggle with being alone with themselves. I mean truely alone, not doing things for others, or doing schoolwork, or anything else. Many people justify these actions because they are "alone" yet they are not being alone with themselves, these are the times we learn the most about and for ourselves. eh, I guess to each his own. People learn how to cope with this in many different ways.

J

Ehh...

2008-02-06T20:35:00.000-08:00

I have been in a prolific writing stage here lately. One more for today.

I just want to run
Just want to get away
Ready set go, we're on our way

Through the ups and downs of life
My mind rolls along
Sometimes its me, others its you
No rhyme nor reasons

Life on the edge
Running without end
Should I ever stop
My mind says yes,
But my heart says no
No, no, no

I will never let go
I will keep on running
Running through hoops
Running on the verge
There is no turning back

I won't stop running
Each day a new path
Each night a conspiracy,
Within my thoughts

Trying to get away
Trying to find a new
Life is running its race,
I am running mine
No one knows where to,
Especially not me

J

Steppin Out

2008-02-06T20:22:00.000-08:00

We all have comfort zones. Safety nets. Lines in the sand. As people we roll up in bubble wrap to protect us from the world.

This however causes issues:
1) We hide; from each other, ourselves, and the world.
2) We don't know our strengths, our how strong we truely are.
3) When we are called to step out of them, we run.

I have recently been tackling the issues of my safety net, and how far away it was. I have always had a pretty large comfort zone, if asked I would do the things I was asked.

I was brought up in a very accepting home, one that taught me it doesn't matter what you look like, sound like, think like, believe in, and the list goes on. I will accept you, for who you are.

I was thrown into a situation that tested my comfort and toleratable zone. I felt pushed outside on the outskirts of an idea I would never associate with. I completed the task successfully, and learned a little bit more about who I am. Yet, now I question if it was that easy to supress the feelings of discomfort with situation what is holding me back from doing it with other situations. Hmph...now I must ponder.

Lent starts today. Because of an obligation I missed Ash Wednesday service. Wasn't the first, though. I have decided that I am going to take up this ;) Blogging, DAILY! I have blogged in the past but it was hit or miss. The other thing I have decided to do is I am giving up sweet tea. I am almost dependant on it. It will definatly be a challenge.

J

My Super Hero

2008-02-05T20:51:00.000-08:00

With a kind heart
An open mind
I trust you to catch my fall
It doesn't happen often
But when it does, you are always there
I don't question your intentions
I know there pure
In and out of your super suite

Tough on the outside
You take on the world
Rough and tumble, ready to roll
Through the dusk and the dawn
You are strong and bold

Disregarding your own
Your thoughts, concerns, and fears
Today, they don't matter
Tomorrow, maybe they will
You put others first,
Always have, and always will

You out there,
The one with the cape,
And the mask, and that awesome Super suite
You are my ultimate hero
You will never know the impact

J

A Small Thought

2008-02-05T20:39:00.000-08:00

For the starters,

Today I give in. Its a sink or swim situation. Gah, college is just full of surprise! Exciting, nerve racking, stressful, and the list goes on. It is also FULL of growing up.

Purpose: To express daily thoughts, feelings, and dealings to better enable myself to understand the true Me.

Words that I live by:
"It's kind of fun to do the impossible." - Walt Disney
"Anyone who thinks my story is anywhere near over is sadly mistaken." - Donald Trump
"As long as your going to be thinking anyway, think big." - Donald Trump
"There era we are living in today is a dream of coming true." -Walt Disney
"Today you are you, that is truer than true; there is nobody out there youer than you!" - Dr. Suess

J