It's a rainy kinda day....

I am so excited! My life is heading in an amazing way.

I am loved, and cherished, and cared for by an amazing man. He truely is my everything. Looking back at how much my life has changed in the past year is amazing. I have given in to the fact that I do not ultimately control it, and let things happen and do not hang on to yesterday.

One of my biggest challenges is trying to not feel like i have to make everything perfect. Slowly, I am coming to this realization, and just letting things go....its hard.

I am beginning to officiate plans for the next few steps in my life. These steps are scary to me. I am sure of them, and know what I must do, yet they are scary. I am ready to move and begin my adventure. Yet, at the same time going into the unfamiliar is rough. We shall see. Atleast I will have someone by my side this time. That will make it a little less scary, I sure do hope.

I am so ready!

J

Today is definantly a camo-duct tape kinda day...

When you know you should be happy for someone for something, but you just can't be.

That is the situation I am in right now. I don't know how to express myself today....and this is eating at me, and I know it shouldn't. But it does.

I just want to run and hide. Hide amoungst the crowd and pretend everything is fine, paste on my smile. Noone will know something is wrong. It's me, I have no reason to be upset...or do I.

I sometimes justify things to be different then they truely are. Who doesn't at some point in their life. I am trying to stay rational with this situation, I just find it hard.

I want to be happy. I was happy, I am still happy and ecstatic about my own situation. Somehow, I feel like few people will celebrate my happiness in the same respect I am. I feel over shadowed...just like the old days. Forgotten almost.

Oh well...tomorrow is a brand new day.
:) It will be all good! One more day down!

J

It's been a while....

Hello blog world!

It has been a while since I've been here. I feel like I have come a long way since I first began this whole blog. I feel like I have grown up and am ready to face the world that goes on outside my little realm of reality. It seems like no matter where I have been in the past four years, I have been protected by this little bubble, that is careful as to what reality actually is let in.

I have fallen head over heels for an amazing man. Maybe he has helped me grow up. Maybe he walked into my life at the exact right moment to facilitate and hold my hand through this large realization. He is by far one of the best things that has happened in my life, and I thank God not near enough for bringing him into my life, and answering years of prayers with one amazing person. Everything I have ever dreamed of in the person for my life has been found in this one person. Anywho-enough of that.

I am a fourth of the way done with my senior year of college. I'm so ready for the other 3/4s to HURRY UP! I feel like my time here is done, and yes I am learning new things everyday this whole concept of school seems like its over-done. I'm ready to be working. (I do realize that in 10 years, I will look back and say "I wish I could be back in school")

I love my family, but I am ready to move. I'm ready to experience what else is out there. My potential and my dreams.

I guess that is a lot to digest at once. Maybe I woln't be such a stranger in blog-land.

J